i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
