if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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