i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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