If that was your dad, he is hot
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
