70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
