hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
