I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
