You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
