There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
