How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
