I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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