I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
