Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
