brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
