Fine. I'll sleep in my office
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
