everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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