We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
