He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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