so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
