I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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