Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
