I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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