you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
is wine microwaveable?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
