If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
