Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
