Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
