I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
