idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
