I think i peed on brittanys purse
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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