so explain again why im purple
no
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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