You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
