Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
