im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
