I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
