and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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