Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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