you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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