Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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