I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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