sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
