Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
