It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize