Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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