Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
