So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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