I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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