Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
