I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
