Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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