I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
