At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
