I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
