Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize