there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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