It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
