i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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