Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
