I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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