That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
