xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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