where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
