i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
