Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
worst night to have a conscience
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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