This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I puked a lego.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
