I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
