this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
