Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
