You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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