Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think a kid would responsible me up
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
