apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
