I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We left the knife in your bed.
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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