Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
bring money and cleavage
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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