Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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