Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sorry about my life...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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