every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
