I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
