Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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